Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Goodbyes and Hellos


We had our follow-up ultrasound Monday at our clinic and learned that Baby B, "Dash", was no longer with us.  It was a strange ultrasound.  We could actually see the two sacs much more clearly than we could the prior ultrasound.  We could also see a stark difference between the two sacs:  "Violet" is alive and growing and had doubled in size in ten days; "Dash" was half the size of the previous visit and no longer had a heartbeat. 

Though we had hoped against hope for Dash's survival, he left his temporary home for his eternal home.  As we've done with all our little ones in heaven, we have given him a Biblical name - Joshua.  Goodbye, sweet Joshua.  We miss you.  We love you.  Please pray for the continued growth and health of "Violet".

And with this ultrasound, we are done with the clinic.  I am discharged from their care to the care of my normal, local OB.  Goodbye, clinic.  Thank you for your care of all of our Texas adopted embryos. 


I have yet to call my OB to schedule my first appointment.  Maybe today I'll make the time.  I can't wait to share an ultrasound experience with Cora and Mac and to let them hear the heartbeat of their growing sibling. 

"Violet", it's just you now.  My daydreams are switching over to life with a single newborn.  I've got to admit, life looks a lot easier with one baby rather than two.  You appear strong, a fighter even, after six years on ice.  We can't wait to welcome you to the world in May, or June, if you decide to take your time.  We love you.  Grow strong.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Ultrasound

I am overjoyed to announce that we are indeed pregnant with twins.  Yesterday, we saw two babies and two heartbeats.

However, it appears I am not yet free from worry.

Note:  Cora and Mac have decided that Baby A is a girl (Violet) and Baby B is a boy (Dash).

Baby A is the one with the large sac.  She measured beautifully, exactly the dating that I was yesterday - 7w2d.  Her heartbeat was about 135 bpm.

Baby B is having a hard time.  I don't know how much of the measuring difficulty was due to baby position, but the doctor had a challenging time getting a good look at him.  His sac appears very small and he is measuring five days behind, 6w4d.  He had a heartbeat and, though Dr. H. tried repeatedly, we just couldn't zero in on it enough to hear it.  Dr. H did think his heartbeat looked slower than his sister's.

Speaking honestly, we just don't know if Dash will make it.

I have been through a whole range of emotions since yesterday (hence why I didn't post then - still working through things).

I honestly expected multiples given my consistently high (for me) hcg levels and doubling rates.

While I mentally prepared myself in advance to see one or two babies, I did not expect to have the ultrasound and leave with questions.

I don't want to have to say goodbye to yet another baby.  It is not only possible but it is the more likely scenario.

But, but, but...  I am NOT giving up on Dash!  He is there NOW.  I am carrying twins NOW.  And we love them both dearly.

We do not know what will happen.  I go back for a repeat ultrasound in about a week and a half.

I am trying to maintain balance, to not let my fear of what might happen cloud my joy over what we saw yesterday.  Yesterday, there were two hearts beating.  We are, again, the parents of twins.

I have Matthew 6:34 written down and resting on my nightstand:  "Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself."  Do not worry.  Do not worry.

Thank you all for your prayers.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Seven Weeks

I am jumping over hurdles.

My bloodwork came back with a continued healthy increase. I have passed the hcg level of my last miscarriage.

And today I am seven weeks pregnant. I have passed the point of my last miscarriage in dating too!

I did learn Monday that it is advisable to avoid having the flu while having "morning" sickness.  Not that any of us have control over flu germs. But if you can, the two do NOT mix. I am only slightly exaggerating when I say I felt like death for about 24 hours.

And now, I am getting increasingly eager for my first ultrasound Friday!

Many thanks for the continued prayers - I know your words have helped hold my spirits.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

7QT - The Real Life Edition

7 quick takes sm1  7 Quick Takes about driving in DC, meeting fabulous people, and outing myself as an airplane stalker nerd

1.  My ultrasound is scheduled for 10/10 at 10. thirty.  Adding the thirty kind of breaks the repetition I had going on there.  I am starting to get excited.  The advent of pregnancy symptoms has definitely encouraged excitement.  Feeling cruddy, yay!  Want to sleep all day, yay!  Clothes starting to feel snug, yay! Well, err, maybe more surprise at that last one than celebration.  I'm only 6.5 weeks - snug already?! Haven't gained any weight, maybe even lost a little as I can't eat as much in a sitting, but "things" are rearranging. 

2.  Homeschooling has had an interesting start.  While I've done some casual work with the children before, this is the first time I've ever attempted work in which they might need correction.  And we had a rocky beginning learning each other's personalities.  Thanks to advice from many seasoned friends, I have learned that Cora and Mac need to be schooled separately, even subjects in which they are seemingly the same level. Amazing transformation of our school day.  Another life saver is these things:

I purchased mine from a local teacher store.  And now math is not a battle.  Well, the math itself was never the battle; number formation for hands that just weren't quite ready yet to write them was at fault (especially little boy hands).
3.  I've taught two preK/K classes so far.  We meet two Wednesdays a month and I teach a class that has a science theme though is not limited to science activities.  Class one we talked about apples, apple trees, and tested kitchen ingredients that could possibly slow the browning process of apples.  Class two was devoted to outer space, specifically the moon and the sun.  And we did an extraordinarily messy experiment exploring the formation of craters on the moon.  Class three will be this week and our topic is the ocean.  It is truly amazing how many good finds are available on pinterest.  And how intimidated I am by the professional primary teachers. 
4.  Sometimes I wonder how much Hank, our Great Dane, can understand what we say to him.  Fridays are family movie nights.  One day, in preparation for our movie, I called out to the kids, "Go get your favorite stuffed animal and sit on the couch!"  And Hank went to his toy basket, pulled out his stuffed gator, and laid down in front of the couch clutching his toy. 
Another time Bryan was trying to get Cora to give him a hug.  She was persistently ignoring his "pleas".  However, Hank sauntered over and put his head on Bryan's shoulder.  Yes, Danes can do that when you are sitting.  And that is what you call a Dane hug.
5.  We have a relatively new rule at our house:  No swinging with sticks.  Though the rule went into effect after one loss, Mac has now destroyed two pairs of shorts and torn a third by "forgetting" this rule.  Yes, I'd have to say boys are harder on clothes than girls.
6.  I lead a Moms' Group at our church.  We meet two times a month to discuss a book chapter and for social time.  We just finished our last book (Style, Sex, and Substance) and voted on a new book.  Starting October 16, we'll be studying My Sisters the Saints.  Ever read it before?  Are there any other books you'd recommend? 
7.  And, lastly, I thought I'd throw in a random fact about me to make it to number seven.  I grew up in a household that demanded you eat all the food on your plate.  I hated peas and lima beans but had to eat them regardless.  So I taught myself to swallow them whole.  Any deep dark food secrets from your past?