Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Matching - First Attempt

I have a confession to make.  I want so badly to "control" the adoption process, especially the matching phase, that I will sometimes look at "Waiting Family" page multiple times a day, in the off chance that there's an update.  Though there aren't many postings that actually fit our criteria, it doesn't stop me from neurotically checking and rechecking.  I should be doing things like stepping back and letting the agency place us and spend my time in prayer or something else productive, like cleaning the house or folding the ever growing pile of clean laundry.  It's almost an addiction now - I can't stop.

My behavior is somewhat contradictory.  I do still trust that we will end up with precisely the embryos that God intends us to have.  I can look back at my life and our nearly ten years of marriage and clearly see God's hand guiding us.  So why am I still struggling for control? 

We were given our first matches (yes, plural) last Monday.  Have I mentioned how quick this was?  Matching interview January 24 and we received our first matches February 11!!  After much discussion and prayer, we ended up turning down one family while "keeping" the other.  The family medical history was more serious than our family could potentially handle.  And now we're waiting again for an additional match. 

The tentative game plan is to do the embryo transfer either April or May.  We'll only thaw and transfer one set of embryos and come back to the second set later. 

On a slightly different note, I have another secret to confess.  I found the twins' genetic mother on face.book.  It's a convoluted story of how I found her considering I didn't even know her last name or where she lives.  And I wasn't even looking - the situation just presented itself.  Impulsively I face.book messaged her.  A week or two went by and I forgot about it.  Until this morning, when I saw that she had responded.  I don't really know what expectations the two of us have for future communication.  So far, we've both gently reached out and said hello. 

I am thrilled by this contact whatever may happen with it.  I've felt a surprising joy in seeing a few pictures of the twins' genetic siblings.  Cora and Mac are similiar, but still unique.  And Mac has the only set of blue eyes out of the bunch.

It amuses me to no end that Cora is nearly as baby crazy as I am, though she expresses it differently.  I pine silently.  Her baby crazy desires are tempered by her shyness in public, but she wants to hold every baby she can.  In the meanwhile, Cora keeps trying to call Mac her baby and get him to sit in her lap.  As they are the same size and he's usually resistant towards sisterly affection, this doesn't go over too well.


Wednesday, February 6, 2013


While I never had my suspicions confirmed, I'm pretty sure the first genetic parents to consider our matching profile turned us down.  If I had to guess, I'd say our "rejection" was due to religious reasons.  Option A:  We're too religious.  Option B:  We're not religious enough.  Option C:  We're the wrong religion. 

                                                      Option D:  I look funny. 

Whatever their reasoning, I'm not actually bothered at all.  I'd argue that it's part of the genetic parents' responsibility to find suitable adoptive parents for their embryos.  That's not a decision that can be lightly made and I can only hope that they find peace in their decision.  That being said, I understand that not everyone can fully appreciate our awesomeness. ;-)

We're pretty openminded in our matching criteria.  We're open to most races and questionable family history/genetics don't scare us.  Oh, and we would prefer a semi-open adoption, mediated by the agency (with room for adaptation, per the children's request).  There are probably only two limiting factors in matching us:  we want a large enough embryo set to do another transfer down the road, a "sibling transfer"; and we do not want embryos created with donor gametes (donor eggs or donor sperm).  Well, I guess our religion limits us some too - there's one public profile on Snowflake's page that says "no Catholics".  It would stand to reason that there are more like-minded families that do not have public profiles.

Anyway, I got an email from the Snowflake Program Monday morning.  They said they'd met some roadblocks in honoring all our criteria and wanted to present us with some options (4 actually).  After much discussion and prayer, we're now angling down a slightly different path.  At this point we're now attempting to be matched with two families, each family having a smaller (single transfer's worth) of embryos.  Only one set of embryos would be thawed at a time, so while both sets would be adopted, one set would be "on hold" for a longer period of time.

I'm actually really excited about this option but know it could spell more of a logistical nightmare for the agency and potentially the clinic, depending on how picky the latter is.

While I don't have the foggiest idea who we will end up matched with, I did provide the Snowflake Program with some direction.  There are three profiles that caught our eye on the "waiting embryos" page.  I passed on these names to Snowflake for consideration:  "Kay and Fred", "Margaret and Charlie", and "Carl and Sadie". 

On top of all that hullabaloo (sp?), we also have had some minor drama with taxes and Bryan's job. 

Taxes - I think my dad saved us MAJORLY.  We've never filed before as rental property owners and, as best we can tell, our basic version of Ta.xcut, plus our inexperience with certain areas of filing, left us screwed over.  Enter my dad.  While I don't have the final numbers yet, I think my dad (tax guru to family and friends) saved the day!

Bryan's job - Big interview today at 1800 CT.  Numbers keep changing, but I think he's one of nine candidates for a very important slot.  This job would be fantastic for his career and would also bring us extra money.  But, it would be LOUSY for family life for the next twelve months.  I'm just praying that he interviews to the best of his ability while maintaining honesty about his personal needs/wants.

So, yeah, that's that.  My brain's been a little frazzled.  I'm trying hard not to be overwhelmed by the various and sundry "what if" scenarios my brain keeps throwing at me.  Personal prayer, Mass, social time, and wine have all helped me cope thus far...