I have a confession to make. I want so badly to "control" the adoption process, especially the matching phase, that I will sometimes look at "Waiting Family" page multiple times a day, in the off chance that there's an update. Though there aren't many postings that actually fit our criteria, it doesn't stop me from neurotically checking and rechecking. I should be doing things like stepping back and letting the agency place us and spend my time in prayer or something else productive, like cleaning the house or folding the ever growing pile of clean laundry. It's almost an addiction now - I can't stop.
My behavior is somewhat contradictory. I do still trust that we will end up with precisely the embryos that God intends us to have. I can look back at my life and our nearly ten years of marriage and clearly see God's hand guiding us. So why am I still struggling for control?
We were given our first matches (yes, plural) last Monday. Have I mentioned how quick this was? Matching interview January 24 and we received our first matches February 11!! After much discussion and prayer, we ended up turning down one family while "keeping" the other. The family medical history was more serious than our family could potentially handle. And now we're waiting again for an additional match.
The tentative game plan is to do the embryo transfer either April or May. We'll only thaw and transfer one set of embryos and come back to the second set later.
On a slightly different note, I have another secret to confess. I found the twins' genetic mother on face.book. It's a convoluted story of how I found her considering I didn't even know her last name or where she lives. And I wasn't even looking - the situation just presented itself. Impulsively I face.book messaged her. A week or two went by and I forgot about it. Until this morning, when I saw that she had responded. I don't really know what expectations the two of us have for future communication. So far, we've both gently reached out and said hello.
I am thrilled by this contact whatever may happen with it. I've felt a surprising joy in seeing a few pictures of the twins' genetic siblings. Cora and Mac are similiar, but still unique. And Mac has the only set of blue eyes out of the bunch.
It amuses me to no end that Cora is nearly as baby crazy as I am, though she expresses it differently. I pine silently. Her baby crazy desires are tempered by her shyness in public, but she wants to hold every baby she can. In the meanwhile, Cora keeps trying to call Mac her baby and get him to sit in her lap. As they are the same size and he's usually resistant towards sisterly affection, this doesn't go over too well.