Today I am pregnant. Who know what tomorrow may bring? I won't know anything one way or another until late next week. But today I am pregnant.
We transferred one beautiful day six blastocyst. One embryo did not survive the thaw.
I mourn the loss of that little one.
Even the kids feel that loss. "What, you mean there's only one baby? I thought we each would get our own baby to hold!"
I'm sorry, I really am. I wish both had survived the thaw, that both were starting to nestle in. It feels so cold and heartless, undignified even, that an embryo should reach its end in a Petri dish, rather than in a womb. Not that I'd chose death at all, but when it happens, I'd prefer it to be with the utmost dignity.
I was fixating a lot on the one lost rather than the one inside me. And then I realized while praying with the kids tonight, that I am precisely where God means me to be. I don't understand His ways, umm, pretty much ever. But I keep trying. And I know that He has hand-picked this scenario for us, these adopted embryos for us. I am their mother, even if it is for only the briefest of whiles.
Thank you all for your prayers, your kind words and encouragement. I seemed to get little love notes all day long, through text, email, and Facebook. Thank you.