You know how sometimes time zips past and other times you seem to be aware of the passing of each and every second?
Much of the summer was the second scenario. And now that we're in the transfer cycle, I feel like every time I blink, a day or more has passed.
I have lots of little house/school projects that I have more or less postponed until now. And we took our trip to San Antonio last week. And Moms Group is starting back up at church. And I'm toying with the idea of teaching a prek/k science class. And I'm the leader of the family readiness group for Bryan's work. And there's this thing called homeschooling...
In a three week period, we will have driven round trip to San Antonio once, Round Rock once, Austin three times, and Houston once. Many people wouldn't blink an eye at that. But I'm a homebody. That much driving kind of makes me twitch a bit.
My baseline ultrasound was yesterday (just a status check on the state of my ovaries and uterine lining among other things). Everything looks good. Dr. H. thinks these embryos look very promising. I know she's trying to reassure me, to offer me some hope. It's been a long road with her. Can you believe we're now experiencing our FIFTH cycle prep with this clinic? One cycle, last November, ended up cancelled, but still...
Assuming next Tuesday's lining check and progesterone labs are good, our transfer will be Monday, September 8.
I want to feel hope. I do daydream from time to time about being pregnant again. But this time I am guarded.
Cora and Mac are accompanying me on this journey once again. Cora pretends to take her medicine at each meal, just like I do with my estradiol doses. Apparently she is going to have two babies, a boy and a girl. She is undecided on the names as of yet. And Mac takes his "reminder" role very seriously. "Momma, don't forget to take your pills!"
Cora and Mac each assure me that they will be a good big sister and a good big brother. And they will, I know it, whenever that day comes.
I wish I could tell them with some sort of certainty when that day will come. When they can greet new siblings in person. I have no idea. God willing, late May. Right now, this whole embryo adoption process is sort of a fantasy to them. Momma takes medicine, goes to the doctor several times, and then we end up with more babies in Heaven. That's our status quo thus far. And I pray that it will change. Short term. I still want all my children, present and future to end up in Heaven. Just hopefully after a lengthy time here with us.
Jesus, I trust in You.
Jesus, I trust in You.