Thursday, January 23, 2014


We're back "in the game" again.  I updated our matching profile and sent it in to the adoption agency today.

I am excited but also a little battle worn.  Each failure or loss marks you in some invisible way.  I now have ten babies in heaven, six of whom graced my womb for at least a little while before journeying onwards.  (Four didn't survive the thawing process.). I guess that means I'm amassing a little army in heaven, praying on our behalf.

In the last two weeks I've learned a few things.

One, I've learned Bryan won't be deploying in the fall.  He transitions in a few months to a different position that's not on a current deployment schedule. Hooray!

Two, I've learned that my miscarriage was not caused by a clotting disorder. All tests came back in the normal range.

These last two weeks I've tried to simplify my life and just enjoy the children I can put my arms around.  Fortunately for me, they're not too old for cuddles.  Although they have developed a fondness for big sloppy kisses.  Do not underestimate their ability to slime you.

I do not know what the future will bring.  I want to learn from the past but not dwell there.  I want to learn to live today in a spirit of hope and joy.

1 comment:

  1. I am sorry for your loss. I just stumbled across your blog. I started my journey with infertility and loss about 11 years ago. I am now a mother of six children, and in a very busy blessed season of life (my oldest is 7 years, my twins are 5, then 3, 2 & infant)... Our very story took my husband and I down the road to give birth to a donated embryo as a our 6th child. Our first five are ours through the help of infertility treatments for the first two pregnancies & and the sheer grace of God for 2 surprise pregnancies.

    I see that your view of donation/adoption is a bit different than ours, but all in all our overall perception and conviction is the exact same... God establishes life at conception. Through a very clear series of steps and events, our story was done all personally. My beautiful "embryo" baby girl is 7 months old right now, and I can't look at her without being so blown away by the testimony of her little life. I desire to see this form of adoption have more awareness... I think about how I could have some part in making it more known quite often, but I am so busy that I never have time to get online and see what is already out there... I some how found your story... I always feel heartbroken for anyone who walks through loss, its devastating. I am so sorry, I pray you will be blessed with beautiful little ones so soon. You sure do have a little army awaiting for you in heaven.