Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Some Post Embryo Transfer Thoughts
I argued with God for some time after our transfer. Why, after I prayed so hard, did only one embryo survive the thaw? How could He do that do me, to the embryos?
A stomach bug hit Cora and Bryan that evening (Mac had it the day before) and as I lay in bed that night, my prayers alternated between two topics: God, why did you let those embryos die? and, God, please don't let anyone else get sick!
I tossed and turned into the wee hours of the night, fuming at God through my fuzzy headedness. I would say I argued with God late into the night, but "with" implies give and take. No, I was arguing at God.
Somewhere in there, the haze cleared. I heard a somber resounding voice: Remember, Andrea, those two are with Me now.
My fuming stopped cold. No argument held water against that.
There's a moment in Pooh's Heffalump movie when Tigger says, "You just can't argue with a word like "fraught"." That's kind of how I felt. You just can't argue when God speaks to you.
And then after another hour of dozing, the stomach bug hit me.
God, I know I pray for humility. I take it back.
This whole trust thing? Clearly, a work in progress.