Somewhat Surreal

Sorry for the absence. Life has been busy and, though I've composed multiple entries in my head, they've yet to make it out.



I have five weeks to decide if I want to find out if Violet is really a girl.  Or a surprise boy.  Or will remain a surprise until May.  Five weeks.  That's kind of insane.

My OB referred me to a MFM (we called them perinatologists in VA) to check on the status of our "vanishing twin". 

News:  Dash's sac is still there, though he is not.

Good news:  Violet should be physically unaffected by the lingering second sac.

Best news:  Violet was very active on yesterday's ultrasound, sucking her thumb, flipping, jumping, kicking, body slamming... 

I forgot how amazing these early ultrasounds are, when you can see them move but still not feel anything.

In the picture above, Violet had just done a belly/face flop, one of her many break-dancing moves.  I'm greatly amused by the roundness of her little bottom.


In the picture below, she is resting on her back between rounds of hip hop.

Thank you, God, for this gift of life.  It's been a long, hard road (for both our snowbabies and
ourselves) but we trust in You.

Goodbyes and Hellos

Goodbyes

We had our follow-up ultrasound Monday at our clinic and learned that Baby B, "Dash", was no longer with us.  It was a strange ultrasound.  We could actually see the two sacs much more clearly than we could the prior ultrasound.  We could also see a stark difference between the two sacs:  "Violet" is alive and growing and had doubled in size in ten days; "Dash" was half the size of the previous visit and no longer had a heartbeat. 

Though we had hoped against hope for Dash's survival, he left his temporary home for his eternal home.  As we've done with all our little ones in heaven, we have given him a Biblical name - Joshua.  Goodbye, sweet Joshua.  We miss you.  We love you.  Please pray for the continued growth and health of "Violet".



And with this ultrasound, we are done with the clinic.  I am discharged from their care to the care of my normal, local OB.  Goodbye, clinic.  Thank you for your care of all of our Texas adopted embryos. 





Hellos

I have yet to call my OB to schedule my first appointment.  Maybe today I'll make the time.  I can't wait to share an ultrasound experience with Cora and Mac and to let them hear the heartbeat of their growing sibling. 


"Violet", it's just you now.  My daydreams are switching over to life with a single newborn.  I've got to admit, life looks a lot easier with one baby rather than two.  You appear strong, a fighter even, after six years on ice.  We can't wait to welcome you to the world in May, or June, if you decide to take your time.  We love you.  Grow strong.

The Ultrasound

I am overjoyed to announce that we are indeed pregnant with twins.  Yesterday, we saw two babies and two heartbeats.

However, it appears I am not yet free from worry.

Note:  Cora and Mac have decided that Baby A is a girl (Violet) and Baby B is a boy (Dash).

Baby A is the one with the large sac.  She measured beautifully, exactly the dating that I was yesterday - 7w2d.  Her heartbeat was about 135 bpm.

Baby B is having a hard time.  I don't know how much of the measuring difficulty was due to baby position, but the doctor had a challenging time getting a good look at him.  His sac appears very small and he is measuring five days behind, 6w4d.  He had a heartbeat and, though Dr. H. tried repeatedly, we just couldn't zero in on it enough to hear it.  Dr. H did think his heartbeat looked slower than his sister's.

Speaking honestly, we just don't know if Dash will make it.

I have been through a whole range of emotions since yesterday (hence why I didn't post then - still working through things).

I honestly expected multiples given my consistently high (for me) hcg levels and doubling rates.

While I mentally prepared myself in advance to see one or two babies, I did not expect to have the ultrasound and leave with questions.

I don't want to have to say goodbye to yet another baby.  It is not only possible but it is the more likely scenario.

But, but, but...  I am NOT giving up on Dash!  He is there NOW.  I am carrying twins NOW.  And we love them both dearly.

We do not know what will happen.  I go back for a repeat ultrasound in about a week and a half.

I am trying to maintain balance, to not let my fear of what might happen cloud my joy over what we saw yesterday.  Yesterday, there were two hearts beating.  We are, again, the parents of twins.

I have Matthew 6:34 written down and resting on my nightstand:  "Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself."  Do not worry.  Do not worry.

Thank you all for your prayers.