7 Quick Takes - the mixed up jumbled up edition

 

 

1.  By now, the news of the Lewis' Family tragedy has spread across the nation.  Sean graduated with me from UD and Becca graduated two years after us.  Even though we weren't super close, their tragedy has permeated my life since I first heard Tuesday morning.  I know I am not alone.  Any parent cringes to the depths of their soul at the possibility of losing a child.  And one doesn't have to be a parent to feel their pain.  While the tragedy is completely heart wrenching, the response across the nation has been almost equally mind-blowing.  Love has literally rained down upon this family.

•  Two fundraising sites raised $145,000. These funds are going towards the funerals, travel, legal fees, grief counseling/support, and more.               
•  A year long prayer chain has been set up for them.  Please view this sign up for more information or to sign up.
• There is an evolving website that will coordinate support efforts after the funeral.  It is my understanding that even families who are not local can still provide support in some way or another. 
• There are prayer vigils and Masses being organized across the nation for the family.

 

•  
 
• Originally, the funds collected were primarily going towards the medical expenses.  Imagine my amazement when I learned last night that donors of Wyoming Catholic College and insurance will be completely taking care of the bill.  Preliminary estimates had been in the $80,000 range, so this is no small feat.
   

2. I don't really know how to segue from item number one.  So I'll leave this here as a moment of silence and prayer.

 

 

 

 

3.  You know, I thought I had a vague idea of what the military's plans were for my husband for the next few years.  It seems, however, that budget cuts are directly affecting him.  The time between promotion boards is expanding because the military doesn't have the funds to promote with their same frequency (and pay the subsequent salary increases).  This means that though I thought we'd be here until Fall 2015 and then to Leavenworth, KS for school, there may be one more stop in between.  We're in a weird quandry where the military doesn't have the money to PCS families(permanent change of station - move to a new assignment) yet they still say that persons of Bryan's rank can't stay in one place too long. 

 

 

4.  It was my turn to teach preschool last week - letter S.  Our craft ended up pretty easy and actually pretty, even after the three and four year olds used their "crafting magic" on it.  Amazing what classic art can do for a project! 

 

 

 

5.  I hate paying full price for things.  I guess I inherited a sense of frugality, shall we call it, from my dad.  At any rate, I've been pretty thrilled with four different consignment websites I've found.  They're not new in existence, but they're new to me.  And I can buy brand names in great condition for an amount I'm happy to pay. 

• Flipsize - this website is for newborns on up to children's size 10.  I've bought a lot on here and have been mostly happy with my purchases.
• Dashing Bee - this website is for newborns on up to children's size 14.  I've bought a smaller selection of items here (usually only when they're doing their season end clearance) but have been very happy with my purchases.
• Twice - this website is for women.  I haven't bought anything from here yet, but I really love that their website even provides the measurements for items of clothing.  We all know that an 8 is not an 8 across the board, so this is a very helpful feature.
• ThredUp - I'm expecting my first package today or tomorrow and I'm very excited.  This site has clothing for children, juniors, and women, and shoes for all the aforementioned categories.  They have huge selections AND a free 30 return policy.  AND if you click the hyperlink I provided, you'll get an additional $10 off your first purchase.  ;-) 

6.  Embryo adoption news - I haven't forgotten the original purpose of this blog.  WE ARE MATCHED!!!!  Two families, each having two embryos.  One family created their embryos in 2007 and had two children (two separate transfers) before they chose to give up their embryos due to medical problems.  The other family created their embryos in 2008.  They have three children, but only one is from this embryo set (one child via traditional adoption, one from this embryo set, and one surprise natural conception).  We are proceeding towards a transfer in June and will use the older set first.  Whew!


7.  I guess I don't technically have seven quick takes.  However, all my bullet points have to count for something, right?

 

 

 



Mini Matching Update

Many many emails have been exchanged between Snowflakes and us these past few days.

The matching coordinator sent us four potential matching scenarios (one individual family and three combination possibilities) that met both the clinic's preferences and our initial criteria (vitrified blasts from 2007 or more recent).  We saw no need to eliminate any of those possibilities and let the matching coordinator figure out which route she wanted to try first.  (Two of the embryo sets had issues in familial health backgrounds, hence one of the reasons she wanted our general approval...)

There was a certain relief in letting the matching coordinator chose the starting point for us.  We felt ourselves tempted towards that slippery slope of objectifying the embryos, based on their on-paper desirability.  And we didn't want to get caught up in treating them merely like commodities. 

The single family turned us down.  Though I don't know the exact reason, I do know they had preferred an adoptive family with zero children. 

It's challenging for the matching supervisor to coordinate a match with two donating genetic families at once (two smaller sets of embryos from completely separate families).  In an effort to make things easier on all of us, I asked her to look and see if there are any waiting embryos sets that are slow-freeze blasts, instead of vitrified.  And that's where we are now - waiting for her answer.

I trust we will, one day, find the right match for us.  I am so thankful the matching coordinator doesn't mind my flurry of emails and is generally prompt in her replies!

Embryo Adoption Services of Cedar Park Program Facts (Part 3 of 3)

7 posts in 7 days link-up - day 6

EMBRYO ADOPTION SERVICES OF CEDAR PARK

PROGRAM FACTS

 

Program criteria:

·         Heterosexual married couple

·         Married at least three years

·         Undergo and pass a home study

·         A doctor’s note stating there are “no contraindications to pregnancy” is necessary for potential adoptive mothers

 

Program entails:

·         Mutual matching services (more on that later)

·         Mediation services between both genetic and adoptive parties (optional post birth)

·         Average of two to four month wait for matching.  The more open one’s preferences, the faster the match.

·         Please view the fee link below for a more detailed list of services provided by Cedar Park

 

Fee Schedule:

·         http://adoptembryos.org/our-program/our-fees/

·         In short, Cedar Park’s fee is $5175 ($375 application fee and $4800 program fee).  This fee covers matching, counseling, communication mediation, and records keeping.

·         The fee does not cover the required home study, the embryo transfer, or the necessary medications.

·         Cedar Park offers an optional in-house home study for $1400, if desired.

·         There is no additional fee if you need to be rematched (in the event the first set of embryos and subsequent transfer(s) did not result in live birth).

·         You do not owe Cedar Park anything if there are embryos remaining from your match after a successful pregnancy.  All embryos in a set are considered yours and you may transfer them at a convenient time.  You do need to notify Cedar Park of the outcome of subsequent transfers though.

 

Matching Facts:

·         They have a limited amount of multi-ethnic embryos (there is limited availability of these nationwide – Cedar Park seems to be about average)

·         The mutual matching process is facilitated by the Cedar Park staff.  The staff presents genetic parents with a potential adoptive family’s profile.  Cedar Park has already screened both parties ensuring all basic preferences are met.  Genetic parents (GP) say yes or no to match.  If yes, the adoptive family will be sent the GP’s profile for review.  If no, Cedar Park’s staff chose another set of GP to consider the adoptive family’s profile. The match is only complete when both parties are in agreement and the contracts are signed.

·         Cedar Park offers open, semi-open, or closed adoptions.  Genetic parents participate in the matching in all these scenarios.

·         Adoptive parents receive the following in a genetic parents’ profile:

o   Basic info on embryos – number, developmental stage, date frozen

o   Biography of donating parents

o   Pictures of donating parents and their children, if applicable

o   Medical history

o   All the embryos in the set

 

Additional Facts:

·         Most genetic parents prefer some degree of openness.  This could range from minimal involvement (the GP’s just want active participation in the matching process and notification of any resulting pregnancies) to full openness (GP’s correspond regularly with adoptive family through facebook or email or phone). 

·         Cedar Park will provide post-birth mediation, as desired, between the GP’s and adoptive parents. 

·         Optional counseling is offered to all involved parties.

     
      ·         No selective reduction is allowed.
 
       ·         No surrogates are allowed.

·         Per the Cedar Park contract, adoptive parents are allowed to transfer no more than two embryos per transfer attempt.

NEDC Program Facts (Part 2 of 3)

7 Posts in 7 Days Link-Up - Day 3

 

 

NEDC PROGRAM FACTS

NOTE:  NEDC stands for the National Embryo Donation Center.  My thanks to an internet friend for proofing this fact sheet for me. 

 

You are eligible for their program if you meet these criteria:

·         Heterosexual married couple

·         Married at least three years

·         Undergo and pass a home study

·         Preference given to those without biological children

·         Adoptive mother is 45 or younger

·         Combined age of the couple must not exceed 100 years

·         The adoptive mother must not smoke during the application process, embryo transfer preparation and procedure process, or during pregnancy.

 

Program entails:

·         Travel to Knoxville, TN two or more times for your first transfer

o   Initial consultation and mock transfer

o   Actual FET

o   All monitoring may be done at the patient’s local clinic

·         FET’s are performed one week a month, in odd numbered months

·         Average of six to eight month wait from scheduling initial consult to actual FET.  Longest wait is from first contact to initial consult.  Home study delays could delay whole process.  If doing open adoption, the process may take a little longer to work out open agreements.

·         You may be able to start and proceed with the application process if your home study is not yet completed.  However, an approved home study is required before they will match you, or allow you to have a transfer.

 

Fee Schedule:

·          http://www.embryodonation.org/pdf/NEDC_Fee_Schedule.pdf

·         In short, the NEDC estimated cost is $5022 for your first FET.  This price does not include your home study or medicine, nor does it include any open adoption fees (optional).

·         If your first transfer is not successful, you may return for up to two more tries per pregnancy.  Each additional transfer currently costs appx $3000.

·         If you return for transfer of a sibling, your program fee will be reduced.

·         There is also a donor fee that can vary greatly depending on the cost the donors would like reimbursed (such as shipping fees, lab testing, storage fees, etc.).  The cost is usually not known until the match is complete.

 

Matching Facts:

·         There is a large pool of embryos available and ready to be matched at NEDC.  All embryos have already been shipped to NEDC so you do not need to find your own match.

·         They have a moderate amount of multi-ethnic embryos (there is limited availability of these nationwide – NEDC seems to have more than average).  Ethnic/multi-ethnic embryos are usually reserved for families of the same ethnicity or family make-up (such as in families with multi-ethnic adoptions).

·         Anonymous donation – NEDC will send you basic info on all sets meeting your criteria.  You narrow the list down to a smaller number.  Then NEDC sends you more information on the embryo sets.  You make your choice.  Genetic family does not participate in matching process.

·         Open donation – NEDC will send you appx ten detailed profiles for perusal.  You choose your top match.  Genetic family is notified and must give approval.

 

Additional Facts:

·         The majority of the waiting embryo sets are from anonymous donors.  All prices listed are for their anonymous program.  Because NEDC is a clinic, they outsource for open adoption agreements and mediation between parties.  These are available for additional fees.  An Open Donation Agreement (ODA) is required for families pursuing open adoptions at NEDC.  NEDC works with The National Fertility Support Center to provide open adoption and ODA services.  Currently the fee for up to two ODA’s for the first transfer is $2700.  Additional ODA for a subsequent transfer is $1600 and $900 after that.  Currently, post-birth mediation is available for $299 a year.  See http://www.embryodonation.org/pdf/nfscFees.pdf for details.

·         No selective reduction is allowed.

·         No surrogates.

·         Potential adoptive families are allowed three FET attempts to achieve a full term pregnancy.  If no pregnancy is achieved after three FET’s, they need to seek elsewhere.

·         If there are already adopted children in the household who have a semi-open or open relationship with their first parents, then all matches through NEDC must also be semi-open or open.

·         At each transfer, you must have at least five or six embryos adopted/reserved.  If your primary set does not consist of enough embryos, you must choose a back-up set.  If two sets are chosen, they must be complimentary openness, either both anonymous or both open. 

·         As mentioned previously, you are allowed three FET attempts per pregnancy.  If you have not achieved a live birth after three transfers but you still have embryos adopted/reserved, they will be returned to the program.

 

Snowflakes Program Facts (Part 1 of 3)

SNOWFLAKES PROGRAM FACTS

 

Pretty flexible program criteria:

·         Married couples or singles may apply (much smaller pool for singles)

·         Undergo and pass a home study

·         If adoptive mother is older than 45, a doctor’s “permission note,” for lack of a better term, must be provided

 

Program entails:

·         Mutual matching services (more on that later)

·         Embryo adoption services patterned off of their infant adoption program, as relevant

·         Mandatory post-birth record keeping (adoptive family sends updates to agency)

·         Mediation services between both genetic and adoptive parties (optional post birth)

·         Average of one to four month wait for matching.  The more open one’s preferences, the faster the match.

 

Fee Schedule:

·       http://www.nightlight.org/simple-successful-snowflakes/

·         In short, the Snowflakes fee is $8000.  This fee covers matching, counseling, communication mediation, and records keeping.

·         The fee does not cover the required home study, the embryo transfer, or the necessary medications.

·         There is an additional $2000 fee if you need to be rematched (in the event the first set of embryos and subsequent  transfer(s) did not result in live birth).

·         You do not owe Snowflakes anything if there are embryos remaining from your match after a successful pregnancy.  All embryos in a set are considered yours and you may transfer them at a convenient time.  You do need to notify Snowflakes of the outcome of subsequent transfers though.

 

Matching Facts:

·         They have a limited amount of multi-ethnic embryos (there is limited availability of these nationwide – Snowflakes seems to be about average)

·         Mutual matching – the majority of Snowflakes’ matches are considered “mutual matching”.  The Snowflakes’ staff presents genetic parents with a potential adoptive family’s profile.  Snowflakes has already screened both parties ensuring all basic preferences are met.  Genetic parents (GP) say yes or no to match.  If yes, the adoptive family will be sent the GP’s profile for review.  If no, the Snowflakes’ staff chose another set of GP to consider the adoptive family’s profile. The match is only complete when both parties are in agreement and the contracts are signed.

·         The vast majority of adoptions are open, semi-open, or closed.  Genetic parents participate in the matching in these scenarios.

·         A very limited number of donated embryo sets are considered “anonymous”.  In this scenario, the GP’s waive all involvement.

·         Adoptive parents receive the following in a genetic parents’ profile:

o   Basic info on embryos – number, developmental stage, date frozen

o   Biography of donating parents

o   Pictures of donating parents and their children, if applicable

o   Three generations of medical history

o   All the embryos in the set

 

Additional Facts:

·         Most genetic parents prefer an open contract.  This could range from minimal involvement (the GP’s just want active participation in the matching process and notification of any resulting pregnancies) to full openness (GP’s correspond regularly with adoptive family through facebook or email or phone). 

·         Snowflakes offers anonymous, closed, semi-open, and open adoptions.

·         The Snowflakes Program will provide post-birth mediation, as desired, between the GP’s and adoptive parents.  For example, any written correspondence that takes place between my twins’ genetic parents and me is sent through the agency.

·         Post birth records are required to be sent to Snowflakes through the resulting child(ren)’s fifth birthday.  Records are to be sent at 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 12 months, two years, three years, four years, and at five years.  These records are for Snowflakes, not the genetic parents.

·         No selective reduction is allowed.

·         Surrogates are allowed.

·         While there are no limits to the amount of times you can try to achieve live birth, Snowflakes does encourage you to visit with your doctor if you have not achieved a successful pregnancy after three FET’s.

·         Adoptive parents are strongly advised to transfer no more embryos than one is willing to carry.

Nothing new to report

I'm antsy.  I've been antsy for a while now, just waiting for news, for things to happen. 

Bryan will be transitioning to a different unit.  Soon.  Don't know when.

A handful of local friends may be moving.  Soon.  Maybe.  Don't know when.

We will be matched.  Soon.  Maybe.  Don't know when.

Our tax refund will be in.  Soon.  Don't know when. 



Actually, I do have an idea when we'll receive the tax refund.  I was just continuing with my literary device.  ;-)



I know we're a little harder to match than way back when we started this whole embryo adoption business (2008/2009).  We already have two children and some donating families prefer their embryos to go to families with fewer children. 

We're Catholic and for some placing families that prompts them to run away screaming.  At least, that's how it plays out in my head.  It's probably far less dramatic in real life.

We're military and lead a somewhat transient lifestyle.  Perhaps that scares genetic parents too?

We're seeking a semi-open relationship with the donating family.  I want any resulting children to be able to know their "first parents" (the terminology we've been using) if the child(ren) so desire.  And maybe that frightens off some potential matches also?



It's a real shame my antsy feelings don't translate into spring cleaning.  My house could sure use it.

Matching and discernment

I had to send this email to our agency today:

I think we'd like to turn down the match with X and Y.

I used to advise people that if they weren't 100% comfortable with an adoptive match, then it's not the right one.  We've spent the last few days trying to put our feelings into words as to why we had hesitation with this match.  There's nothing on paper that we could pinpoint and that's why we spent a good bit of time convincing ourselves that this was the right match.

We never could figure out the cause for our hesitation but finally realized that we didn't need one.  This is likely to be our last embryo adoption match and we want to have no regrets going forward.

We finally realized that the hesitation meant we were not 100% behind this match.  And Bryan and I are both at ease requesting a different match.

Please give our regards and regrets to X and Y.


********************************************************************************


It took me a while to remember and then to follow my own advice.  We received the potential match last week and spent a lot of time discerning.  There was nothing wrong with the match. Yet it somehow didn't feel right.

When you are buying a car or making a large purchase, you can chose something that is mostly right for the situation.  You can always trade it in later if circumstances change.

Adoption isn't like that.  If something isn't 100% right for your family, think very carefully before proceeding.  A child is not a purchase.  A child is a gift from God, a being who changes you at your very core, shaping you daily in what it means to be a parent.

And so we're still waiting.  I have full confidence that God will send us the right match at the right time.  And that He will send me the necessary patience.  And the wisdom to recognize the correct match.


*********************************************************************************


I realize my complaints about waiting seem petty to those in domestic or international adoption programs.  I recognize your wait times are unknown lengths and are excruciating.  I pray every day for waiting families.  And waiting children.

Dare I say we're picking up speed?!?

While I haven't yet received a final yay/nay from our clinic, I think we are now successfully matched with two separate families.  Both families are described on the Snowflake Waiting Embryos page - "Sandy and Bryan" and "Kay and Fred".  I'm already daydreaming away about what our future children/family will look like.  ;-)

We've received word that our taxes are finally being processed by the IRS.  Hooray!  Our refund is financing the remaining costs of our adoption so I've been getting increasingly antsy.  For some unknown reason, student loan interest caused delays in the processing of taxes.  However, we're moving once again.

And, in other delightful news, Nightlight has gifted us with a scholarship from their Babushka Fund!  So far our current snowflake adoption is shaping up to be about $6k cheaper than last time.  Our homestudy was with a different agency this time and MUCH cheaper.  We received a credit from Nightlight as a "returning family".  And now we've received a scholarship.  Yay! 

If everything plays out as it is tentatively arranged in my head, then we'll be probably do the embryo transfer sometime the week of May 12.  Our plans are to thaw and transfer all of "Sandy and Bryan's" embryos first, since those embryos are older (1998 vs 2003).  Best case scenario, we'll have a successful transfer followed by a healthy pregnancy followed by an uneventful birth of one or more children.  And then we'll do another transfer with "Kay and Fred's" embryos a few years down the road.  Only God knows how things will actually unfold, but I'm praying hard for these little lives!

Random factoid number one:  Cora and Mac are our first, and therefore oldest, children (born in 2010).  However, since they were created in 2006 versus 1998 and 2003 of the embryos we're hoping to adopt, they'll actually be the youngest of our children.  Weird, huh?

Random factoid number two:  My tenth wedding anniversary approacheth.  Due to events that are likely to take place in May and early June, our special anniversary getaway probably won't occur until late June.  We're hoping to go "glamping" here. 

By the way, hubby HATES the word "glamping". 

Anyway, if you have a moment, look at the pictures.  Gorgeous!  Peaceful!  Expensive, so we'll only be gone a short while.  But hey, after a decade with each other, we both deserve a hearty pat on the back and a nice splurge.  ;-)

Matching - First Attempt

I have a confession to make.  I want so badly to "control" the adoption process, especially the matching phase, that I will sometimes look at "Waiting Family" page multiple times a day, in the off chance that there's an update.  Though there aren't many postings that actually fit our criteria, it doesn't stop me from neurotically checking and rechecking.  I should be doing things like stepping back and letting the agency place us and spend my time in prayer or something else productive, like cleaning the house or folding the ever growing pile of clean laundry.  It's almost an addiction now - I can't stop.

My behavior is somewhat contradictory.  I do still trust that we will end up with precisely the embryos that God intends us to have.  I can look back at my life and our nearly ten years of marriage and clearly see God's hand guiding us.  So why am I still struggling for control? 

We were given our first matches (yes, plural) last Monday.  Have I mentioned how quick this was?  Matching interview January 24 and we received our first matches February 11!!  After much discussion and prayer, we ended up turning down one family while "keeping" the other.  The family medical history was more serious than our family could potentially handle.  And now we're waiting again for an additional match. 

The tentative game plan is to do the embryo transfer either April or May.  We'll only thaw and transfer one set of embryos and come back to the second set later. 

On a slightly different note, I have another secret to confess.  I found the twins' genetic mother on face.book.  It's a convoluted story of how I found her considering I didn't even know her last name or where she lives.  And I wasn't even looking - the situation just presented itself.  Impulsively I face.book messaged her.  A week or two went by and I forgot about it.  Until this morning, when I saw that she had responded.  I don't really know what expectations the two of us have for future communication.  So far, we've both gently reached out and said hello. 

I am thrilled by this contact whatever may happen with it.  I've felt a surprising joy in seeing a few pictures of the twins' genetic siblings.  Cora and Mac are similiar, but still unique.  And Mac has the only set of blue eyes out of the bunch.

It amuses me to no end that Cora is nearly as baby crazy as I am, though she expresses it differently.  I pine silently.  Her baby crazy desires are tempered by her shyness in public, but she wants to hold every baby she can.  In the meanwhile, Cora keeps trying to call Mac her baby and get him to sit in her lap.  As they are the same size and he's usually resistant towards sisterly affection, this doesn't go over too well.



 

Crossroads

While I never had my suspicions confirmed, I'm pretty sure the first genetic parents to consider our matching profile turned us down.  If I had to guess, I'd say our "rejection" was due to religious reasons.  Option A:  We're too religious.  Option B:  We're not religious enough.  Option C:  We're the wrong religion. 

                                                      Option D:  I look funny. 

Whatever their reasoning, I'm not actually bothered at all.  I'd argue that it's part of the genetic parents' responsibility to find suitable adoptive parents for their embryos.  That's not a decision that can be lightly made and I can only hope that they find peace in their decision.  That being said, I understand that not everyone can fully appreciate our awesomeness. ;-)

We're pretty openminded in our matching criteria.  We're open to most races and questionable family history/genetics don't scare us.  Oh, and we would prefer a semi-open adoption, mediated by the agency (with room for adaptation, per the children's request).  There are probably only two limiting factors in matching us:  we want a large enough embryo set to do another transfer down the road, a "sibling transfer"; and we do not want embryos created with donor gametes (donor eggs or donor sperm).  Well, I guess our religion limits us some too - there's one public profile on Snowflake's page that says "no Catholics".  It would stand to reason that there are more like-minded families that do not have public profiles.

Anyway, I got an email from the Snowflake Program Monday morning.  They said they'd met some roadblocks in honoring all our criteria and wanted to present us with some options (4 actually).  After much discussion and prayer, we're now angling down a slightly different path.  At this point we're now attempting to be matched with two families, each family having a smaller (single transfer's worth) of embryos.  Only one set of embryos would be thawed at a time, so while both sets would be adopted, one set would be "on hold" for a longer period of time.

I'm actually really excited about this option but know it could spell more of a logistical nightmare for the agency and potentially the clinic, depending on how picky the latter is.

While I don't have the foggiest idea who we will end up matched with, I did provide the Snowflake Program with some direction.  There are three profiles that caught our eye on the "waiting embryos" page.  I passed on these names to Snowflake for consideration:  "Kay and Fred", "Margaret and Charlie", and "Carl and Sadie". 

On top of all that hullabaloo (sp?), we also have had some minor drama with taxes and Bryan's job. 

Taxes - I think my dad saved us MAJORLY.  We've never filed before as rental property owners and, as best we can tell, our basic version of Ta.xcut, plus our inexperience with certain areas of filing, left us screwed over.  Enter my dad.  While I don't have the final numbers yet, I think my dad (tax guru to family and friends) saved the day!

Bryan's job - Big interview today at 1800 CT.  Numbers keep changing, but I think he's one of nine candidates for a very important slot.  This job would be fantastic for his career and would also bring us extra money.  But, it would be LOUSY for family life for the next twelve months.  I'm just praying that he interviews to the best of his ability while maintaining honesty about his personal needs/wants.

So, yeah, that's that.  My brain's been a little frazzled.  I'm trying hard not to be overwhelmed by the various and sundry "what if" scenarios my brain keeps throwing at me.  Personal prayer, Mass, social time, and wine have all helped me cope thus far...

 

And a step backwards. Or sideways, perhaps.

So remember how I just posted all glowingly about clinic two and how easy it was to make a choice between the two clinics we interviewed?

We have to go with clinic one now.

For some reason, clinic two more than doubles their frozen embryo transfer (FET) fees if you are using donor embryos.  Not that I have extensive knowledge on the topic, but  no other clinic that I have talked to doubles their fees for donor FETs.  The best price they could give me was around $4500.

In comparison, clinic one's estimated fees came back at under $2000 with our military discount.  After the kerfluffle with clinic two, I'm in the process of verifying that clinic one's fee estimate is indeed accurate for us.  But still.  A $2500 difference?!?

In other news, tomorrow I have a phone interview with the matching coordinator of the Snowflake Program.  I hopefully will also get to ask more about that possible match and about the scholarship (both mentioned last post).  Perhaps I'll find out if we'll even be eligible for the scholarship...

Discernment and Patience

I, like most people, struggle with maintaining control over my life.  With infertility as a constant companion in our marriage, I have had to at least revise a lot of my ideas towards family size.  Our desires to grow our family are largely regulated by our finances, military life (deployments/moves), and paperwork. 

 

I want to control this current adoption process. I want to drive things forward at MY pace.  And yet my hands are tied by, among other things, money.  No matter how fast I send in paperwork, no matter how quickly we compile our personal narratives, we just don’t have the money to move many steps ahead in the process.

 

My advent prayers, specifically the St. Andrew Christmas Prayers, are requesting adoption discernment and financial assistance, and patience.  I hate praying for patience because virtues are learned through practice.  And my practice generally consists of my succumbing to impatience.

 

We’ve submitted our Snowflake Embryo Adoption application – mailed it yesterday.  And then I found out our coordinator is out of town for another week plus.  Perhaps my prayers for patience are already working since my first thought was a charitable “good for C.; she deserves a vacation!” and not the typical self-centered “rats! Now that’s additional time that I’m forced to wait before our file will even be considered.”  See, I am maturing, a little at a time.

 

I’m really very interested in a set of waiting embryos described online ("Joseph and Irina") but I’m not sure my motives are entirely pure (hence the prayers for discernment).  It’s a set of nine embryos which is higher number than we’d like.  We’d love enough embryos for a sibling transfer (meaning a transfer this spring and then enough embryos remaining for another transfer down the road).  This particular set of nine would entail four embryo transfers.  That’s a huge emotional, financial, and physical commitment. 

 

Nine embryos would also very likely spell the end of our adoption journey.  We would not need/want to adopt again.*  And, to be perfectly honest, that’s a bittersweet thought.  As much as I hate the paper-pushing and the financial requirements (and the endless waiting), I do love the element of surprise with adoption.  I have a growing, though perhaps unrealistic, interest in foster-to-adopt programs.  Adopting a set of nine embryos would definitively close that door.

 

Nightlight offers an adoption scholarship to qualified families for some sets of embryos (those considered harder to adopt).  This particular set of embryos meets those criteria.  Let’s be honest here, the idea of a financial scholarship is likely clouding my judgment. 

 

Bryan says no, nine is too many.

 

I say financial scholarship! 

 

Bryan says no, nine is too many.

 

I say no more home studies!

 

Bryan says no, nine is too many.

 

I say all our future children will be genetically related!

 

Bryan says… 

 

You get the idea.

 

So I pray for discernment, that my motives be pure.  I pray for financial blessings, that our tax return be prompt and contain what we need to cover our adoption expenses (or more!).  I pray, though I hate to do so, for patience. Because we all know I need it.

 

 

*I've elaborated previously on the potential perks of adopting a larger group of embryos.  Look about halfway down, starting a few paragraphs above the bullet points.