Heaviness

I'm not going to lie, 2014 has been a very heavy year.  Gradually over the last few months my eyes have really been opened to just how frail life is.  Fleeting even.  Miscarriages.  Car accidents.  Cancer.  Murder.  Lives have been cut short.  Somehow I feel each of these losses and pains even though I don't always know the individuals suffering.

I keep starting embryo adoption blog posts in my head, only to be distracted by the next tragedy.  I want to write, to finish EA projects I've started.  But instead I find myself confronted by yet another heartbreak.

I try to turn my sorrow, my empathy, into prayers.  Lord, I say, I may not always know the individuals suffering.  But there's so much of it out there.  Please, give them strength.  Please build them up with hope eternal.

And joy.

I lay, laid, lie (? For the life of me, I can never remember the correct one to use) in bed last night mulling over a good many things.  And then I remembered the names of our most recent babies in heaven - Hope and Joy.

If I were still pregnant with them, they would not have names yet.  Maybe they went to heaven early because that's what I needed in my life.  Hope and Joy.  Little heavenly intercessors.  And also daily reminders of the virtues to cultivate, especially when life seems so dark. So heavy.

Hope and Joy, grow within me once more. Help me face the darkness and banish the shadows.




St. Michael the Archangel, pray for us.  Our Lady Queen of Peace, pray for us.